I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
