Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
