I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize