it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize