Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
