We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
