My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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