I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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