The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
