the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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