you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize