I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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