I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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