I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
