Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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