i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
