Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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