Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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