Are we in a gay sports bar?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
