Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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