tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
