some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
