I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize