I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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