I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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