i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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