Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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