Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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