Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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