TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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