I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
