You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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