I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
