I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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