Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
