Sponge bath it is.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
