does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
