I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
