saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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