If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
