I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
