Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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