News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
