we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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