Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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