May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She told me I should be a condom model.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
