He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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