I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
