i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
