Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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