i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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