Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
