I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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