Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
