I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
