I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
