so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Randomize
