Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
