Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm both gender and math confused
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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