I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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