The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
