When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
